


A Forbidden Love

by MikaTheMad



Category: VIXX
Genre: And I'm bad at updating, And Taekwoon (poor boy), Coma, Established Relationship, Eventually smut probably, Gay, Homosexuality, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, I'm a bad boy, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kinda Happy End-ish?, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Kill Me, Society is an asshole, Suicide Attempt, Taekwoon has acceptance problems, drama-ish, fluff i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-22 14:19:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10698789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikaTheMad/pseuds/MikaTheMad
Summary: N has a boyfriend but no one knows about him. The Vixx members, his family, his friends, nobody knows about it. But then photos of N and Yuki kissing are published and hell starts.~A story featuring Vixx and set in our time where homosexuality is not accepted everywhere yet with Korea not being an exception.~It may include some scenes not suitable for underage people and also includes self-harm, so if you do not want to read about these topics, don't read. Trigger warnings I guess? See the tags for that.It's also my first time uploading a story here and writing actual fan-fiction, so please do tell me if there're any mistakes or unlogic parts!And please forgive me for any mistakes since English is not my mother tongue, haha. And I probably won't update regularly since I'm bad at keeping schedules and I need inspiration to continue writing. Oh, this is also uploaded on asianfanfics.com with the same title.





	1. Foreword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this foreword happens three years before the actual story. The rest of the story will play in the present. Kinda.

2013/11/27

Hakyeon knocked on the door and pressed the doorbell for almost two minutes but nothing happened. He pulled out his phone.  
Cha Hakyeon: »Hyung! Open the door!«  
»Are you sleeping?!«  
»Open the door!«  
No answer. Hakyeon called Yuki but no one picked up.  
Hakyeon lost his patience and started feeling stupid for standing in front of an apartment with no one opening. He grabbed the doorknob and pushed it without expecting anything.  
The door opened. The cigarette-smell in the apartment was strong.  
“Ha?!”, Hakyeon let out in disbelief. _Which idiot lets his door unlocked in a big city in these times?! And what’s with this awful smell?!_  
But this situation was also worrying because Hakyeon was sure, Yuki would never do this. That’s why Hakyeon went into the apartment after taking off his shoes. “Ojamashimasu~”  
It was one of the few Japanese words he knew but it had become his habit to use it whenever he came to Yuki’s apartment.  
Hakyeon found Yuki immediately. He was lying on his couch, asleep, with a beer in his hand, wearing clothes that definitely needed washing. On the table were dozens of empty beer bottles and an ashtray that was way too full. There were dark dots and streaks on Yuki’s sweater and when Hakyeon came closer, he realised they were blood stains. Shocked, he tried to wake up Yuki. “Yuki-hyung! Wake up! Dammit, wake up, hyung!”  
When Yuki didn’t wake up, he searched for wounds and found them on Yuki’s wrists. They didn’t look too deep and weren’t bleeding anymore but Yuki wasn’t waking up and Hakyeon was worried, he may have lost too much blood, so he called an ambulance. While waiting, he applied first-aid on Yuki. He also found the knife Yuki had used and that was still covered in blood.  
Hakyeon opened the windows to let in fresh air and cleaned up the mess Yuki had caused over the days. It came to Hakyeon that the reason for all this was most likely he himself. Hakyeon stopped in his movement, realising there were hot tears running down his cheeks. When had he started crying?  
Hakyeon returned to Yuki’s side, kneeling down and crying. “I’m sorry, hyung! I’m so sorry!”  
The doctors found the two of them still like this and had to move Hakyeon out of the way to be able to be able to take a look at Yuki.  
“He’s alive and both heartbeat and breathing are stable but it’s a good thing you called us since he lost a lot of blood”, said the examining doctor. “We’ll have to take him to the hospital to determine if he needs a blood transfusion or if he just needs to rest.”  
Hakyeon could only nod but when the doctors prepared to take away Yuki, he followed without even thinking about it. Somewhere in his head, he knew that Yuki needed him now, even if he was the reason he had ended up like this anyway.  
In the hospital, it was decided that Yuki just needed to rest for at least a day. He had to stay in the hospital that night.  
“Do you have any idea what could have caused this?”, one of the doctors asked.  
“It was…” Hakyeon’s voice sounded terrible. He cleared his throat. “It was probably me…”, he said in a low voice.  
“Oh… I see. I’m sorry but if that is the case, I think it would be best if you are not here when Yoon-ssi wakes up”, the doctor said careful.  
Hakyeon shook his head. “No, it’s fine. It’s better if I’m here. If I talk to him, I know he’ll get better.”  
“Can I know the reason you think like that?”  
Hakyeon shook his head again but this time he kept silent. _I can’t really tell him that Yuki confessed to me now, can I? I don’t even know if Yuki’s out of the closet or if he keeps it a secret. Anyway, I don’t want that doc to know that I was confessed to by a guy either! What if he thinks I’m gay?_  
“We just had a normal fight”, Hakyeon answered instead, but only after some time had passed.  
“I see… I hope you’re right.”  
The doctor sounded like he only gave in reluctantly but Hakyeon didn’t care. He didn’t move an inch from Yuki’s side, all the time holding on to his hand. When he took a closer look at Yuki, something caught his attention. It was Yuki’s arms. Yuki had always worn long sleeves, even in the hot summer, so Hakyeon had never noticed this but both of Yuki’s arms were covered in scars. This was not the first time Yuki had hurt himself. Hakyeon once again felt tears running down his cheeks. 

It was already well after midnight when Yuki opened his eyes. Not being able to sleep, Hakyeon had stayed awake till now. His legs felt numb.  
Yuki looked around sleepily. His eyes found Hakyeon – and, not yet fully awake, Yuki pulled Hakyeon down, drawing him into a hug.  
Surprised, Hakyeon didn’t move for a moment, then he relaxed. “I’m sorry, hyung! I’m so sorry!”, he repeated again and again, crying.  
Only now regaining full consciousness, Yuki realised what he was doing and pushed Hakyeon away from him. But Hakyeon didn’t want to let go yet and fell down right next to Yuki, lying on his arm.  
“Hakyeon-ah… can you calm down? I’m fine. Why are you here?”, Yuki asked softly.  
Hakyeon tried to calm down. He slowed down his breathing and eventually his tears stopped as well.  
“Sorry”, he murmured, barely audible. He sat up and pulled the chair closer to Yuki who sat up now as well.  
“I was worried because you didn’t answer any of my calls or messages, so I went to your apartment where I found you passed out. Seriously, who leaves their front door unlocked!” Hakyeon hit Yuki lightly on the head and had to laugh a little, but it still sounded weird after having cried so much.  
Yuki had to smile a bit as well. Then he looked at his wrists and his face became dark. “Ah, I did it again…”  
“What… happened when you were younger that you hurt yourself?”, Hakyeon asked hesitantly.  
“I… I’ll talk about it. But not now, ok?” Yuki looked at Hakyeon with a pleading face.  
Hakyeon nodded. “Ok.”  
“So, anyway. I guess you’re aware of the reason, I ended up here, so again, why are here?” Yuki asked in a serious tone now.  
Hakyeon was aware of the reason but he didn’t know why he was here himself. He hadn’t thought about anything but he knew Yuki expected a proper answer.  
“I…”, he started, not knowing what he was going to say but looking Yuki in the eyes. “I’m going to stay by your side, hyung.” He looked down again. “I know I can’t give you the same love you give me yet but I’m sure my feelings for you can still develop into something more. I don’t want to see you like this anymore. I don’t want to hurt you anymore and I want to help you when you need help.”  
Yuki had continued to look Hakyeon in the eyes and he had seen his friend’s sincerity. He felt tears swelling up in his eyes. He knew that Hakyeon didn’t hold the feelings that Yuki held for him but he didn’t care. As long as Hakyeon was by his side, he didn’t care. And Hakyeon did say that his feelings could become more. Yuki was going to bet on that.  
“Then from now on, stop calling me hyung”, Yuki smiled.  
“Eh?” Hakyeon looked shocked. “But…”  
“No buts. We’re only ten months apart anyway.”  
“O-ok, hyung…”  
Yuki looked at Hakyeon.  
“Ah. I mean Yuki…ah.”  
Yuki grinned broadly. “That’s more like it, Hakyeonnie~”  
Hakyeon had to smile as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the occasional Japanese words! I'm gonna put a translation in the end notes to every chapter.  
> Ojamashimasu -> used when you visit someone else's house


	2. A Last Peaceful Afternoon

2016/12/10

Hakyeon unlocked the door and entered the apartment. “Tadaima”, he murmured without expecting an answer since his voice was too quiet anyway. He took off his shoes and his jacket and threw it on the couch. No one was in the open space after the doorway, so Hakyeon went through the apartment to search for Yuki.  
He found him on the balcony of the bedroom. Hakyeon frowned at the thought of going outside. It was December and even though today was one of the warmer days, it was still cold without a jacket. But Yuki looked so lost in thought that Hakyeon couldn’t help but wanting to tease him a little. Even though he didn’t feel like joking too much.  
He opened the door without making a sound and gave Yuki a back-hug.  
Yuki flinched surprised, but realising it was just Hakyeon, he relaxed.  
“You surprised me!”, he complained jokingly.  
“Sorry”, Hakyeon just murmured.  
Yuki looked at Hakyeon who had his eyes closed, just enjoying the moment.  
“What’s wrong?”  
Hakyeon sighed and looked over the city. Yuki’s apartment was in the eleventh floor and not many other high buildings were in this area, so you could look pretty far.  
“We got scolded”, Hakyeon grumbled. “We played around too much and destroyed a door in the dorm, so our managers got really angry.”  
Yuki had to laugh. “How did you manage to destroy the door?”  
Hakyeon let go of Yuki and leaned against the balcony railings. “I didn’t do it! It was the four youngest! But Taekwoon-ah and I are the oldest, so it’s our job to look after the younger ones and I’m the leader to top it off, so we all got scolded.”  
“Well, that’s understandable.” Yuki took Hakyeon’s arm and pulled him into a hug. Hakyeon hid his arms under Yuki’s jacket because it was getting cold.  
Yuki smiled and leaned up to kiss Hakyeon who kissed back fiercely. After a while Yuki broke away.  
“Calm down, Hakyeon-ah. It’s cold, so let’s go inside.”  
“Yeah”, Hakyeon murmured and let Yuki pull him inside. Yuki pushed Hakyeon into the living room.  
“Did you eat yet?”, he asked.  
“No.”  
“Then wait a second.” Yuki disappeared into the kitchen. Yet again it was his job to cheer Hakyeon up. Whenever Hakyeon was in a bad mood – of course not only then – he came to visit Yuki who would cheer him up without fail.  
Yuki was still in the middle of cooking when Hakyeon back-hugged him again.  
Yuki looked back. “I can’t cook like this, Hakyeon-ah.”  
“I don’t care.” Hakyeon smiled slightly. It seemed he had already cheered up a little.  
“It’s your food, not mine. I already ate.” Yuki grinned.  
“I’m not hungry.” Hakyeon’s stomach rumbled.  
Yuki had to laugh. “Liar!”  
“Ok, ok, I give in.” Hakyeon had to smile as well.  
Yuki turned back to his cooking but Hakyeon didn’t let go of him yet, so he just pretended that Hakyeon wasn’t there. It was normal for Hakyeon to be so affectionate but when he was down, he become even clingier.  
Yuki finished cooking and watched Hakyeon eat. “It’s delicious”, Hakyeon smiled. “As expected of Yuki-ah.”  
Yuki got a little red of embarrassment. “What are you saying, everybody could do that.”  
“Nope, you’re just good at cooking.”  
“Shut up”, Yuki murmured, looking away.  
Hakyeon laughed.  
“If you can tease me like this, I guess you cheered up a little?”, Yuki asked.  
“Yeah, I guess so. Thanks, Yuki-ah.” Hakyeon smiled brightly.  
Yuki sighed. “That’s good then. How much time do you have?”  
Hakyeon looked at his watch. “Not much. About an hour left.”  
“Ah, sometimes I really wish, you wouldn’t have become an idol.”  
“Sorry. But I told you I wouldn’t have much time when you asked me to go out with you.”  
“I know. And I asked you fully aware of that fact. Anyway, even though it would make things a lot easier, I’m still proud of you”, Yuki smiled.  
“Thank you~”, Hakyeon grinned as well.  
Yuki buried his head in his hand. “Do you not know the word ‘modesty’?”  
Hakyeon laughed. “Nope~.”  
Yuki could only smile helplessly.  
The two washed up the dishes and played and talked for the rest of the hour.  
“I’ll go then”, Hakyeon said in the doorway.  
“Yeah.”  
They hugged and kissed but then Hakyeon had to go. Yuki went back into the living room and turned on the TV.  
Hakyeon drove home in his car. He had cheered up and he hoped his members had cheered up as well.  
He opened the door to the dorm. “I’m home~!”  
Cold eyes met him. It was Taekwoon and now the other members and their manager came as well. “Hakyeon-ah. You have a lot to explain”, Taekwoon said icy.  
“Huh? What’s wrong, Taekwoonie?” Hakyeon had no clue what they were talking about. He still tried to get off his shoes.  
“This.” Jaehwan held out his tablet. Even always-joking Jaehwan looked at Hakyeon with serious eyes.  
Hakyeon looked at the tablet. It showed a picture. A picture of two guys kissing on the balcony of an apartment. Looking more closely, Hakyeon realised who those two guys were. It was him and Yuki.  
Hakyeon clenched his fist. “Fuck!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaima -> I'm home
> 
> Don't hate Taekwoonie please! And the other members. They just need some time~


	3. The Starting Hell

“Judging from your reaction, there’s no mistake in that photo”, Taekwoon said and turned away. “Disgusting”, he murmured.  
Hakyeon looked from his friend to the other members. They looked at him with disappointment clearly written on their faces. The only member who hadn’t surrounded him from the start and stood a little behind the others was the maknae, the only one who had found out about Hakyeon’s homosexuality a bit earlier. Hakyeon looked at Sanghyuk for help.  
“I told you, I wouldn’t be able to do anything when I agreed to not say anything”, Sanghyuk said and went into the kitchen to get food.  
Yes, Sanghyuk had definitely said that. Hakyeon remembered it very clearly. He finally got up and stepped away from the doorway. He took Jaehwan’s tablet and, sitting down on the floor, looked at the article where the picture was attached.  


»VIXX’s N kissing a man!  
Shocking Gay Scandal from famous K-Pop-Group!«  


That was what the title read. The article itself said not that much, just that these pictures were taken on the same day and that N’s possible boyfriend was a Korean-Japanese painter called Yoon Yuki. And that this was not the first time, the reporter had seen the two of them being very close but just the first time, he had managed to take a picture of them kissing.  
Hakyeon hated it. He got angry at that stupid reporter and he got angry at himself.  
 _Dammit, why did I have to kiss Yuki-ah on the balcony?! I’m so stupid!_  
He almost threw the tablet away but since it wasn’t his own, he held back. He started to pace about the dorm, ignoring – or rather not even noticing – the glances, the other members gave him.  
 _Ugh, what am I supposed to do now?! This is bad! This is just really bad! With that picture, I can’t even deny my homosexuality anymore! I can’t just say, it’s nothing, nobody will believe me! Ah, fuck it all!_ He hit the wall with his clenched fist. _The members don’t want anything to do with me anymore either! Especially Taekwoon-ah! Argh, this is so frustrating! Just because they now know I’m gay, doesn’t mean I’m a different person, for fuck’s sake! It just means I have a boyfriend! And they all know Yuki-ah already anyway!_ Hakyeon looked up. Yuki… He called his boyfriend but no one picked up. _Oh my god, Yuki-ah, don’t do anything stupid!_ He stumbled to the door. _I beg of you, please! Please, don’t do anything! Just wait! Plea-!_  
A hand seized his arm when he tried to get out of the dorm. “Hyung, where are you going?”, Wonsik asked.  
“Yuki-ah”, Hakyeon only answered and tried to get out again.  
“I’m sorry, hyung, but I can’t let you go. Yuki-hyung will be alright, so just wait here patiently, please.”  
Hakyeon darted an angry glance at his dongsaeng. “Yuki-ah is _not_ alright! What do you even know! Do you have any idea what Yuki-ah is probably doing right now?! Do you want to know?! He’s probably killing himself right now, dammit!”  
Hakyeon sounded ruder than he wanted to but he was just too angry and too worried about Yuki.  
“I’ll go take a look at how Yuki-hyung is doing, ok?”, Hongbin said all of a sudden.  
Hakyeon wanted to go himself but he knew, he had no chance against Wonsik and he could trust Hongbin. Yuki and Hongbin were good friends as well and Hongbin was a nice guy anyway. So Hakyeon just watched Hongbin leave the dorm in a rush.  
Wonsik pulled his hyung back into the dorm as soon as Hongbin left. He was rougher than he had planned to but he was disappointed in Hakyeon as well. Not so much about his homosexuality – he didn’t really care about that – but more about the fact that their eldest member didn’t seem to trust them. He could still understand that Hakyeon hadn’t wanted to talk about it to Taekwoon since everyone in the group knew, he didn’t like homosexuals. But there were still four other members left and Wonsik was pretty sure that Jaehwan and Hongbin didn’t care about their leader’s homosexuality. Sanghyuk had already found out about it a few months earlier anyway and had treated him no different.  
Hakyeon sat on the floor again, staring into space. He was worried about Yuki, even though Hongbin had gone to see after his boyfriend. But that didn’t matter; it could already be too late.  
His phone was ringing.  
“Yes?” Was that really his voice? It sounded so lifeless.  
“Hakyeon-ah? Is that you?” His CEO.  
“Yes”, Hakyeon answered taciturn and got up. He went to the bathroom and locked himself in the small room.  
“I guess you already realised your little secret leaked out.”  
“Yes.”  
His CEO sighed. “I’m not sure if you will like that but I already knew about it. Sanghyuk-ah told me a week after he found it out himself.”  
Hakyeon didn’t really like it but it was better than having a completely surprised and probably disappointed CEO giving him an earful. He sat down on the cold floor.  
“I can’t say I like it”, his CEO continued, “but it’s your life and I have no say in that. Since the day Sanghyuk-ah told me, I’ve been mentally preparing myself for the day you got exposed. You probably did the same.”  
“I… did not”, Hakyeon admitted quietly. Until earlier, he would’ve said he was mentally prepared but after it really happened, he couldn’t say that anymore.  
“Well, it must’ve been a shock for you. Sanghyuk-ah kept me updated a bit and if I’m correctly informed, the other members and your manager didn’t know.”  
“Yes…”  
“How did the others deal with it?”  
“I… don’t know. They’re probably very disappointed…”, Hakyeon replied depressed.  
“Don’t be so down. I’m going to deal with it somehow.”  
“But how? You can’t deny the fact that I have a boyfriend anymore. And I don’t wanna be the reason our group goes down!”  
“It’s not going to come that far! For now, I’ll just stall some time.”  
“Yes…”  
“Anyway, how is your boyfriend?”  
 _Yuki-ah._  
Worried again, Hakyeon could do nothing but bite on his lips.  
“Hakyeon-ah?”  
“Ah, yes?”  
“How is Yuki-ah?”  
“I… I don’t know. I couldn’t reach him on the phone. Hongbin-ah went over to look after him.”  
“I see, he should be fine then.”  
“Hyung! Hakyeon-hyung!”, Sanghyuk yelled from outside the door. “Open the door! It’s Yuki-hyung!”  
“What?” Hakyeon got up and and unlocked the door to find a frantic Sanghyuk holding his phone up.  
Hakyeon gave Sanghyuk his own and took Sanghyuk’s phone.  
“Yuki-ah?”, he asked hopefully.  
“Hakyeon-hyung!”  
It was Hongbin. A very desperate Hongbin.  
“Hongbin-ah! Where’s Yuki-ah? Is he alright?!”  
“He… he’s in the hospital. Hyung tried to kill himself!”  
Hakyeon fell down on his knees. “How’s he now?” His voice was nothing more than a whisper.  
“They… don’t know yet…” Hongbin definitely didn’t want to tell his hyung the truth.  
“He won’t die, will he?”  
Hongbin hesitated. “Maybe.”  
Hakyeon saw Yuki in front of him; wrists slit open and blood spilling out. It drove him crazy. The phone dropped to the floor. His breath came in short gasps. His vision became blurry. He hyperventilated, not getting enough air and finally blacking out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate Taekwoon-ah! I just needed an "evil" character and Taekwoon-ah seemed to fit the best. ~~Why am I saying Taekwoon-"ah", I'm younger than all six of them...~~  
>  So, Hakyeonnie became a patient as well :'D I should stop being so dramatic.  
> I tried to portray all the characters as real as possible but if I didn't manage to do that ~~I'm not good with handling many characters~~ , please do tell me.


	4. Not all is lost?

When Hakyeon woke up, it was already the next day. He had slept for about 18 hours. It was as if his body tried to get rid of all the stress and lack of sleep in the last three months. They had been preparing for their comeback and slept only for a few hours every day. But with Hakyeon’s scandal there was no way they would come back in less than a week. He was aware of that himself and he felt bad for his members and waiting fans. If they were still waiting. Hakyeon was scared that all their fans had abandoned them.  
Hakyeon turned around in his futon, facing the wall. He didn’t want to see his members’ disappointed faces. He especially didn’t want to see Taekwoon who was probably the most disappointed in him. Hakyeon knew that his friend didn’t like homosexuals and it had always hurt him inside. Someone opened the door. Hakyeon immediately pretended to sleep.  
“Hyung?” It was Hongbin. “Are you awake?”  
Hakyeon didn’t respond.  
Hongbin placed his hand on his hyung’s upper arm and Hakyeon flinched.  
“What is it?”, he murmured, pretending to just have woken up.  
“Thank God, you woke up!”, Hongbin let out. “After passing out, you just didn’t wake up, hyung.”  
Hakyeon looked away. “Sorry.”  
“It’s fine, don’t worry”, Hongbin said.  
“Maybe it’s good you slept so long. A lot happened, hyung.” It was Sanghyuk who had come into the room.  
Hakyeon sat up, leaning against the wall. He drew his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. He wanted to ask about Yuki but he was too scared.  
“What happened?”, he asked instead.  
“Our CEO told the media that the company is still checking with you what the relationship between you and Yuki-hyung is”, Sanghyuk answered.  
“Oh, by the way, hyung isn’t in a life-threatening condition anymore but he didn’t wake up yet either. He’s in a coma-like state”, Hongbin added.  
Hakyeon looked at him shocked. Of course he was glad his boyfriend hadn’t died but he was still worried. He wanted Yuki to wake up soon.  
“Can I… see him?”, he asked quietly. “Please?”  
Hongbin and Sanghyuk looked at each other.  
“That… our manager is going to decide that…”, Hongbin said awkwardly.  
Hakyeon sighed. Why did their manager out of all people have to decide that? He just wanted to be on Yuki’s side without anyone deciding if he was allowed to or not.  
“Hyung, are you alright?”, Hongbin asked.  
“Yes-“, he answered immediately but Hongbin looked at him so serious that he changed his mind. “Of course not”, he grumbled instead.  
Hongbin and Sanghyuk both didn’t know what to say at their leader’s honest response. They were used to him saying he’s fine whenever they would ask. This was the first time he had said he wasn’t fine.  
“Should we ask manager-hyung if you’re allowed to go?”, Sanghyuk asked finally.  
“Yeah”, Hakyeon said but he didn’t really want to. He didn’t want to leave the room. He didn’t want his members to see him in this state.  
Sanghyuk and Hongbin got up and Hakyeon got up as well. He didn’t look up once when he walked out of the room, just looking on the floor.  
“Ah, Hakyeon-hyung, you woke up!”, Wonsik said as soon as the trio left the room.  
Hakyeon only nodded, not looking up.  
Their manager looked at them. “It’s good to see you’re awake, Hakyeon-ah.”  
“Hyung wants to see Yuki-hyung”, Sanghyuk said.  
The manager looked at him. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  
Hakyeon looked up for the first time now. “Please!”, he begged and looked his manager into the eye. “Please let me see him!”  
Everyone in the room looked at Hakyeon surprised. This was the first time they saw this side of him. Normally, if he wanted something, he’d just say it as often as he needed to until he got it. But never had they seen him begging for something like this. That just showed that right now Hakyeon was a completely different person.  
“Hakyeon-ah, I don’t think it’d be a good idea to-“  
Hakyeon dropped on his knee, looking down again. “Please”, he whispered. “Please, just let me see him! If I don’t see him, I’m gonna go crazy!” He looked up again. “I beg of you, please! Just let me see him!”  
The manager didn’t know what to do anymore and looked at the members for help but they didn’t know how to calm down this Hakyeon either.  
“I’m going to call the CEO”, their manager sighed then.  
He pulled out his phone and called their CEO.  
“Ah, hello. I’m sorry to bother you right now but Hakyeon-ah wants to see Yuki-ssi”, the manager said. “Yes, I also think it’s not a good idea. … Yes, that’s true. I wouldn’t want people to see him either. … No, I didn’t tell him that. … I’ve never seen him like this. He’s literally begging me to go. … Yes, I didn’t believe my eyes either. … He’s not himself at all. I don’t think he’ll be able to do anything in the following days. … Yes, I understand. … Yes, I will see to it.”  
Hakyeon just listened to their manager talk but he didn’t really get what they decided.  
“I’m going to let you go to the hospital but only if one of the members goes with you and _both_ of you are disguised. That’s what the CEO said”, the manager said then.  
“Thank you!”, Hakyeon let out relieved.  
Wonsik decided to go with Hakyeon since Hongbin – who originally wanted to go with their leader – wasn’t able to because he had to go to the training centre. Wonsik did know Yuki for a long time now but he was more worried about Hakyeon than Yuki, that’s why he decided to tag along.  
The both of them reached the hospital disguised without problems but in the hospital itself they had to identify themselves because not everyone was allowed to see Yuki. Hakyeon didn’t want to, didn’t want to see the nurses look at him in disgust and just stared into thin air to ignore the looks he got. Wonsik had to do everything but it didn’t take long until they were allowed to go into Yukis room.  
Yuki did not wake up that day which prompted their manager and Wonsik to force him back to the dorm. Hakyeon didn’t want to leave and protested with all his might but Wonsik alone was able to drag him out of the hospital and back home. At least the doctor had promised to contact Hakyeon if there were any news on Yuki’s condition. Though that would probably still take some time, according to what a nurse had said. It was even possible that Yuki would never wake up again but that was something Hakyeon absolutely did not want to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I also think I wrote Hakyeon a bit over the top... on the other hand that's kinda like him. I don't know. He's just very desperate right now and his mind is on edge. I'd appreciate comments, I wanna know what you guys think about the story so far :)


	5. The Talk

Hakyeon disappeared in his room as soon as he came back with Wonsik. He knew he should go out and face his members but he didn’t think he was strong enough for that right now. He just wanted to lie in bed and not do anything. Well, if he was honest with himself he wanted to get drunk but they didn’t have alcohol in their apartment and right now he wasn’t allowed outside without another member with him and in disguise. And he knew damn well that none of his members would go out with him to let him buy alcohol. That was probably for the best though.  
Hakyeon put on his headphones and turned on his most depressing playlist. He needed it. Needed to feel the pain and one of the songs actually made him cry. He wanted to cry himself to sleep but sleep just wouldn’t come. His mind was wide awake. He couldn’t stop thinking about Yuki. He felt helpless and his worry made him feel like a part of him got ripped out of his chest. This was the second time Yuki had tried suicide because of him and he felt guilty because of it. He knew he shouldn’t and Yuki wouldn’t want him to feel guilty but he couldn’t help it. If only he had been more careful then the photo wouldn’t have been published and Yuki wouldn’t have felt desperate enough to do something like this again. His boyfriend hadn’t self-harmed in three years and they were both proud about it. Hakyeon just hoped Yuki would wake up and he would recover completely. He wasn’t stupid; he knew there were risks when it came to comas. But he chose to believe in his boyfriend like he always has. They would get through this together.  
The door opened. Hakyeon didn’t react; he didn’t want to talk to anyone.  
“Hyung”, Hongbin said.  
Hakyeon still didn’t answer.  
Hongbin sighed and sat down at the edge of the bed. “Hyung, I know you’re awake.” He took Hakyeons headphones off. “We want to talk to you, Hakyeon-hyung. I know you don’t want to right now but we just want to let you know that we don’t mind that you have a boyfriend. So please? Come sit down with us? You need to eat something anyway.”  
Hakyeon didn’t answer for a while. _They don’t mind? That’s too good to be true. And I know for a fact that Taekwoon-ah does mind a lot! I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to see any of them. And I’m not hungry._  
Then he sighed. He knew he had to do this and it’d be better to get it over with, so he got up. “Fine.”  
Hongbin smiled a little and breathed out in relief. “Thanks.”  
They went into the living room where the rest of the group already sat. Even their manager was with them. Hongbin sat down next to Sanghyuk, leaving Hakyeon to sit down on the floor next to Taekwoon who ignored him at the best of his abilities.  
Hakyeon looked down at his hands. He held them together, so he wouldn’t show his nervousness. But everyone in the room already knew that Hakyeon was nervous, scared even. It wasn’t that surprising; he just got outed in a country that didn’t really accept homosexuality after all. There were a few examples of celebrities who came out and had to leave the show business afterwards or even died by suicide. No one wanted that to happen to Hakyeon and everyone was aware of the fact that their whole group was in trouble now. That was just the kind of country Korea was: if one member of the group was in trouble then the whole group was in trouble. And even if they thought it was a bit unfair in this case, they were raised like this as well. It was normal.  
“Hakyeon-hyung”, Wonsik said after a while of silence. No one had known what to say, so he had decided to take matters into his own hands.  
Hakyeon shot a glance upwards but looked back at his hands immediately. He couldn’t look at his members. He just couldn’t. All he saw was disappointment even though the other members didn’t feel that emotion anymore. Well, except Taekwoon maybe.  
“Yeah”, he replied in a whisper.  
“Look, I know you think we’re disappointed in you but we’re not, you know. Well, I can only say it for myself but I don’t care who you’re going out with. I did feel a bit disappointed yesterday but that was because you didn’t tell us about Yuki-hyung being your boyfriend. You must’ve been scared, I understand that but we’re with each other almost 24/7, so I think you could’ve trusted us a bit more.” Wonsik looked at his hyung who was still looking down at his hands. Where did that always confident hyung of his go? What happened to that hyung that thought he was perfect and always got the attention he wanted? Wonsik wasn’t the only one who asked himself that.  
“Yeah… sorry…” Hakyeons voice was still nothing more than a whisper.  
“Don’t apologize for it, hyung”, Hongbin said now. “We all know it must’ve been hard for you to come to terms with it as well.”  
Hakyeon shook his head. “I don’t mind being gay, I never did. I mean my whole family knows, they did before I even knew myself. Besides, Yuki-ah is the best boyfriend I could ever have.” He smiled a little but everyone could see it was a sad smile. “I just… I never wanted it to get in the way of our group and our career. And I didn’t want it to be a burden for us because that would’ve been a negative influence. That constant nagging feeling that I could be outed at any moment and our career could end. It’s enough that I had that feeling. Besides, I know that not everyone in this room is comfortable with homosexuality” – everyone knew who he meant but no one said anything – “and I guess I didn’t want to tell a few people and keep it a secret from the rest. That would’ve been unfair because I love you all.”  
There was silence. No one knew what they should say.  
“Well, I guess the only thing for us to do now is to wait and see what happens next.” Jaehwan was the one to break the silence, stretching and leaning back on the couch.  
The members nodded and mumbled their agreement. Jaehwan was right after all, they couldn’t really do much at this point.  
Their manager sighed. “Yes, you’re right, Jaehwan-ah. Well, I can only say that your comeback was pushed back indefinitely for now. We’ll first have to see how the public reacts to this news and the news that Yuki-ssi is in fact Hakyeon-ahs boyfriend. I think the CEO will probably have to make that public tomorrow.”  
“I’m gonna do that myself.”  
Everyone turned to look at Hakyeon. They definitely did look surprised but Hakyeon just looked back. He had gotten a bit of his confidence back. Yeah, the situation was crappy right now but that couldn’t be helped. He could at least get his shit together and make that damn statement himself.  
“What? I’m not ashamed in the least that I’m gay and I’m proud to have Yuki-ah as my boyfriend. I want to make that clear when I actually come out properly. Yuki-ah deserves that as well, I’m not gonna deny him. And, come on, what use is there in hiding behind our company? If I’m gonna be that gay idol anyway, I can do it properly and with pride.”  
Everyone still looked at him slightly surprised but then Sanghyuk had to grin. “That’s our hyung!”  
Jaehwan and Wonsik grinned as well and Hongbin chuckled a little. “That’s true, that’s more like you, hyung.”  
“Oh, shut up, kiddos”, Hakyeon just complained. He glanced at Taekwoon beside him who still hadn’t said anything and didn’t look amused at all. It hurt Hakyeon but he knew he just had to give him time. Taekwoon wasn’t the kind of person to draw drastic consequences because of one little detail he didn’t like about a person, so he was sure he wouldn’t leave the group or anything like that. It might be a little awkward between them for the next time but Hakyeon was set on making Taekwoon realise that he didn’t change. He was going to give him the space he needed but not more.  
“Since when have you two been going out anyways, hyung?”, Wonsik asked now.  
“About three years… remember that time Yuki-ah was in hospital and I didn’t want to tell you the reason?” Hakyeon looked at the four younger members who nodded. “That’s when we got together. Actually… that was the first time Yuki-ah had tried suicide because of me…” Hakyeon looked back at his hands.  
“It’s not because of you that he did it now, hyung”, Hongbin objected. “At least I think so. I think that if you want to blame someone you should blame our society. I think that Yuki-hyung probably decided to try it because he thought he couldn’t bear with the pressure. He must’ve been desperate.”  
“Yeah…” Hakyeon swallowed. “I guess you’re right…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hakyeon got back on his feet again, yay! Doesn't mean society is gonna be all for him now though. 
> 
> Soo... this is the last chapter I've already got written. From now on you'll have to wait for updates. Since I've been feeling better lately, you might be in luck and I might be able to update relatively regularly. But I don't know yet haha. I'm gonna try my best! Anyway, what are your thoughts? Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


	6. Chapter 6

The next day Hakyeon published an open letter to the public. He had spent the whole night on the letter, pestering the other members – even Taekwoon – with questions about what he should write, how he should write it and if the letter was alright the way he had written it. Even though the pictures were already published and everyone was expecting him to admit his homosexuality, he was still nervous about releasing the letter.  
The Vixx members helped him write the letter more or less reluctantly. Taekwoon flat-out refused Hakyeon but the latter didn’t let that get to him. Hongbin and Wonsik helped him the most as it was difficult to get Jaehwan and Sanghyuk to be serious and concentrate on something like writing a letter. Hakyeon still felt very grateful to his members that they even let him annoy them with something that he should probably do by himself and that they – except Taekwoon – didn’t treat him any different.  
He finally also had had time to talk with his mother. She knew Hakyeon was gay and she loved him nonetheless as did most of their family but she had been very worried when Hakyeon had gotten outed and she couldn’t reach her son for a few days.  
Their CEO was also glad that Hakyeon had gotten on his feet again. No one was sure how to deal with a desperate Hakyeon after all. But he was still very worried if it was the right decision to have Hakyeon clean up the mess he made himself. These were after all hard times for gay people in Korea and even more so for gay idols. Everyone knew that there were other gay idols in the industry – even ones that very more well-known than Hakyeon – but none had gotten outed yet or had come out on their own and that was very much understandable. The CEO was just worried that it was too much for Hakyeon to handle on his own so he decided to help him out as much as he could. He not only felt responsible for Hakyeon after all, he also was a big fan of Yuki’s art so he wanted him to get better and the two of them to be happy. Unlike some people in his generation he didn’t mind homosexuality and had friends and family members who were LGBTQ.  
The letter Hakyeon published in the end, read this: 

_“Dear Starlights, Interested Parties and Readers_  
_I write this letter today to explain the unexpected situation that occurred a few days ago. I hope that this will help everyone understand my actions and clear up some misunderstandings._  
_A few days ago, a picture got published that shows me and my boyfriend of three years, Yoon Yuki, kissing. Yoon Yuki is a Korean-Japanese artist living in Seoul. He grew up mostly in Japan but has been living in Korea for the last few years. We met through a common friend and started dating a few months later. That is also when I realised I was homosexual. At first I only came out to my family who accepted me for who I am but a while back, VIXX-member Han Sanghyuk found out about my relationship with Yoon Yuki as well. The other members only found out when the pictures were published but they still support me. I am also supported by our agency and most of my friends outside the idol industry._  
_I understand that with my outing I brought trouble to VIXX but I also want to remind everyone that I cannot change my sexual orientation. Neither can I change the fact that I fell in love with Yoon Yuki. And I do have to say that I wouldn’t change it even if I could. I am a proud gay man and I am happy in my relationship with Yoon Yuki. But I still understand that it may be hard to accept for some people and I know that VIXX may not be able to continue like we did before. That is very unfortunate as all six of us love our job and still wish to do music together and share it with everyone else. That is why we hope that the Starlights will continue to support us as you did in the past. We would be eternally grateful for that._  
_After reading all of this, I hope you understand that I cannot change the way I am but that I also won’t change now that I’m out. I am happy with my boyfriend and I hope that everyone is able to see that._  
_Please continue to take care of me and the other members of VIXX, everyone. That is the only thing I wish for right now._  
_Everyone’s N, Cha Hakyeon”_

The letter got published through Vixx’ agency and quickly spread in the public like wildfire. Hakyeon didn’t mention Yuki’s hospitalisation on purpose but somehow that had gotten out already as well. At least the reason was not yet known and Hakyeon hoped that it would stay that way. He didn’t want to deal with the public knowing about Yuki’s already third suicide attempt as well. He knew he would have his hands full having to help Yuki get over it. Yuki had always been unstable and had mental health issues that Hakyeon couldn’t begin to understand but he always tried his best to help his boyfriend. And he would do it again as soon as he woke up.  
Hakyeon visited Yuki again on this day. This time he didn’t need to bother with a disguise but he still needed someone to go with him. Today it was Hongbin who had wanted to visit his friend anyway. They talked with the doctor again who assured Hakyeon that there was no brain damage and the chances of Yuki waking up were fairly high and if he woke up he most likely wouldn’t experience any permanent damage. Hakyeon was tremendously relieved when he heard that and so was Hongbin and everyone else when they heard the news. Most of the members were good friends with Yuki and were equally worried about him.  
Hakyeon and Hongbin were left alone with Yuki after a while and Hakyeon sat down next to his boyfriend and carefully took his hand.  
“Hyung…”, Hongbin asked a bit hesitantly.  
“Yeah?” Hakyeon looked up from Yuki’s face.  
“Can I ask what happened last time?” Hongbin wasn’t sure if he should really ask that but he was curious and also worried since this had already happened before.  
Hakyeon sighed and looked at Yuki again. “Last time… it was before we started dating. About a month before it happened we both were at Ilkwan-hyung’s party and we both were pretty drunk after a while. Yuki-ah was wasted enough to kiss me.” He had to smile a little at the thought of how it all started. “About a month later he confessed to me, told me that he liked me and wanted to go out with me. I refused him. At that time I didn’t know what I had done. I didn’t know yet that Yuki-ah has an unstable mind and that every little thing can drag him way down.” He shook his head a little, looking down, already fighting tears. This was the first time he talked about this with anyone. He and Yuki had talked about it a few times but mostly avoided the topic as it hurt both too much. “I still wanted to be friends with him though and didn’t really mind him liking me. I tried to contact him the next day as I hadn’t gotten the chance to tell him that but he didn’t reply to my messages and didn’t pick up the phone. I was worried so I went to his apartment and found him with cut wrists. Fortunately he hadn’t cut deep enough, so he just lost a bit too much blood but even having found him pretty late he already woke up later that night. Without really thinking about it, I told him I wouldn’t leave him alone anymore and that I thought my feelings for him could grow into something more.” Hakyeon chuckled self-depreciating. “We started dating a while after that.”  
“I see… Thank you for telling me, hyung.” Hongbin was a little overwhelmed by the story of his hyung. He also hadn’t known that Yuki had mental health issues as he did his best to conceal that from everyone but Hakyeon.  
Hakyeon just shook his head.  
“I’m sorry, I don’t really know what to say…” Hongbin said, feeling guilty. He wanted to comfort his hyung but he had no idea how.  
“It’s fine.” Hakyeon smiled a little, trying to tell his dongsaeng that it was alright. But then he looked back at Yuki and his smile disappeared again.  
“I’m going to get some coffee, ok?”  
“Yeah”, Hakyeon answered absent-minded. He didn’t even really realise that Hongbin left the room.  
Hakyeon lost himself in thoughts, looking at Yuki’s face. He just wanted his boyfriend to wake up. He wanted to battle through this situation together with him. He was trying to be strong, he really was, but he was always at his strongest with Yuki by his side. He needed him. He didn’t know how long he could pretend to be strong while Yuki was still in a coma. While he was still constantly worried about him. This wouldn’t go well for a long time. He really needed his boyfriend to wake up.  
Hakyeon put Yuki’s hand to his lips, kissing him softly when the door opened. He didn’t look up, expecting it to be Hongbin coming back with coffee. Until he heard an angry voice.  
“What are you doing here?!”  
Hakyeon looked up, surprised to see Ilkwan standing in the door. Choi Ilkwan, their common friend who was the one responsible for Hakyeon and Yuki meeting. Who regretted it to this day as he also liked Yuki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm very productive today! What do you think about the letter? I'm bad at writing letters... And yeah, I tried to find ways to avoid saying "ladies and gentlemen" to include non-binary people as well. While that's a selfish reason I also kinda think Hakyeon would do it all the way or not at all as well. And yes, here comes the drama again... jeez, why do I like writing drama so much. What did you think of the chapter?


	7. Chapter 7

“I’m visiting my boyfriend, obviously”, Hakyeon answered after his initial shock. He really shouldn’t have been surprised though. Ilkwan had been Yuki’s best friend for years and even though that wasn’t the case now, he still wasn’t over Yuki and still hadn’t given up. Which annoyed both Yuki and Hakyeon a lot. Especially Hakyeon who got jealous really easy.  
“You’re the one who brought him here! Again I might add! You have no right to be here!” Ilkwan tried his best to keep his voice down but the anger seeped through every word he said.  
“I might have brought him here the first time but not now. You should know that as well, Ilkwan-hyung. Yuki-ah got desperate because of this society that we live in. Because he feared all the negative comm–“  
“Ha!” Ilkwan scoffed. “He didn’t think you’d be able to get through it! He lost hope in you! That’s why he did! And he’s right, you’re just gonna give up!”  
Hakyeon felt his body tremble slightly in anger. “Shut up”, he whispered. He knew Ilkwan was wrong and only said that in desperation but it still hurt and fed the silent doubt inside his heart.  
“What? I can’t hear you!”  
“Shut up!” Hakyeon glared at Ilkwan angrily. “Don’t talk like you know anything about our relationship! Yuki-ah trusts me more than you could ever understand!”  
“Yeah, right! Why would he try to kill himself then?”  
Hakyeon got up. “Leave this room before I make you.” He knew he shouldn’t do it but he was already on edge from his worry about Yuki and he really couldn’t deal with Ilkwan now as well.  
“Just try to make me leave”, Ilkwan smiled, provocation in his voice.  
Hakyeon walked towards Ilkwan but before anything could happen, the door opened. Hongbin was quick to read the mood and got in between the two who were still distracted by his arrival.  
“What’s going on here, hyung?”, he asked Hakyeon.  
“Ilkwan-hyung came here, apparently to provoke me so I told him to leave the room.” Hakyeon tried to hold back his rage but he wasn’t very successful if he read Hongbin’s expression right.  
“I’m sorry, Ilkwan-hyung, we’re leaving soon anyway. Would you mind waiting outside while Hakyeon-hyung says goodbye to Yuki-hyung?” Hongbin asked, mediating.  
“Fine!” Ilkwan bit out after a short pause and left the room. He didn’t seem satisfied but neither was Hakyeon so he could live with it.  
Hakyeon really wasn’t happy that they were leaving now. He didn’t want Ilkwan to be alone with Yuki even though he was pretty sure Ilkwan still had enough common sense not to do anything to Yuki. But still, he didn’t want him to be in a room with his boyfriend, especially the thought that Yuki could wake up in Ilkwan’s presence ticked him off.  
“Come on, hyung. We need to get back”, Hongbin said, looking back at his hyung.  
“Yeah”, Hakyeon agreed reluctantly. He returned to Yuki’s side and sat down again. He would take his time saying goodbye until the next day.  
Hakyeon took Yuki’s hand again and pressed it against his forehead, closing his eyes. He sat still like that for a while before putting down Yuki’s hand and getting up to get closer to Yuki’s face. He looked at his boyfriend peacefully sleeping and brushed his cheek with his hand. “I’m coming back tomorrow, so wait for me, ok? Take your time, Yuki-ah…” He closed his eyes and snorted. “Who am I kidding, wake up, Yuki-ah. Please… please wake up, I need you. I’m waiting for you.” He pressed his lips to Yuki’s forehead in a kiss before finally getting up and leaving the room with Hongbin. He just shot Ilkwan a warning glance before ignoring him.  
When the two got back home, their manager once again gathered everyone for a meeting. They sat similarly to before but this time Taekwoon had made sure he wouldn’t sit next to Hakyeon. Hakyeon tried not to let it get to him but it was difficult when he got the silent treatment from one of his best friends.  
“You already know that your comeback is pushed back indefinitely for now”, their manager started the meeting. “But it seems like it’s going to take more time than we initially thought. For now you’re pretty much on vacation. You’re still going to have singing and dancing lessons but only three times a week and the recording of your album will continue but you’re not going to be under as much pressure since you’re not going to come back any time soon. Take this time to relax a little and repair your friendships. I’m being serious here, you need to get along to continue this and you all know it.”  
Everyone agreed to it and even Taekwoon seemed to sincerely agree. Hakyeon hoped this would give them the chance to repair their friendship even if it was just a little. And he was actually glad they wouldn’t have their comeback now because he really wouldn’t be able to concentrate with Yuki still in hospital. Maybe that was also a reason they didn’t have their comeback now.  
Their manager gave them their new schedule but afterwards they were dismissed. They decided to cook together again for the first time in a long while. There was always someone who couldn’t eat with the rest lately so it had been a while since they had last cooked and eaten together.  
Sanghyuk and Jaehwan took it upon themselves to try and cheer Hakyeon up and distract him from Yuki while the other three actually did try to cook. After they had eaten, they played games together. Everyone felt the need to spend quality time together and Hakyeon also opened up about his relationship with Yuki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... it's getting better ;) Yes, I had to put some drama in there... but it's not that much, they're still in their own little world after all. Comments and Kudos appreciated! :)


	8. Chapter 8

The next few days Hakyeon visited Yuki in the hospital daily. One of the members always came with him, sometimes two. Even Taekwoon tagged along once; admittedly mostly because no one else had time. Everyone had also taken the opportunity to visit their families now that they had more time on their hands.  
But it was only a week later that Yuki woke up. Hakyeon was just about to leave when Yuki grabbed his hand and held him back. Shocked, he looked at Yuki who stared back at him.  
“Yuki-ah?”, he whispered in disbelief. He had woken up. He wasn’t dreaming this, was he?  
“Yeah.” Yuki smiled slightly and tugged at Hakyeon’s hand without actually using much power. He still felt like he had no strength.  
Hakyeon sat back down immediately and leaned over, pulling Yuki into a hug. Yuki put his arms around Hakyeon’s back, closing his eyes and enjoying their closeness. Hakyeon also had his eyes closed; at the same time he couldn’t stop the hot tears streaming down his face. Neither realised that Sanghyuk silently slid out of the room to give them their space and tell a nurse that Yuki had woken up.  
“I’m sorry”, Yuki murmured eventually.  
Hakyeon shook his head and looked at his boyfriend. “Don’t apologize. It’s ok. You know that I’m always there for you. And I know that it wasn’t because of me that you tried it. So don’t apologize.”  
Now Yuki also had tears in his eyes. He still felt guilty and that Hakyeon wasn’t going to accept that left him filled with gratitude on one hand but also ashamed. “I… I… it wasn’t because of you, Hakyeonnie. I just… I lost hope in myself. I didn’t think I would be able to get through this. But seeing you now” Yuki smiled at his boyfriend with tears still in his eyes. “I’m glad I’m still here. I’m glad I failed again.”  
Hakyeon had to smile a little now as well. “Can we battle through this together? I’ll help you as much as I can but… I don’t think I’m able to get through this on my own. So, please?”  
Yuki smiled. “Yeah. Let’s get through it together.”  
Hakyeon couldn’t hold back anymore, closed the space between them and pressed his lips on Yuki’s. The kiss tasted salty from their tears but they both savoured this time where they could finally be together again. Yuki could feel how much Hakyeon had missed him and even though he had been sleeping, he was aware that some time had passed and even he felt like he hadn’t seen Hakyeon in years. The accumulated need to be together broke out now and neither wanted to break away.  
There was a knock on the door.  
Hakyeon and Yuki put distance between them immediately, still a habit from the time when they tried to keep their relationship a secret.  
“Please come in”, Hakyeon said immediately as if not to arouse suspicion. Which in turn made it more obvious they had been kissing because both were still flustered.  
Sanghyuk was the first to enter the room and behind him were the doctor responsible for Yuki and a nurse.  
“It’s good to see you’ve woken up, Yoon Yuki-ssi”, the doctor said. “How are you feeling?”  
“I’m fine, thank you. Still a little… powerless but I’m feeling ok. I’m not in pain and I don’t think I’m missing memories”, Yuki answered the questions he would eventually be asked anyway. He already had been through this twice; he knew what questions he would be asked.  
“I see, I’m glad to hear that. I’ve been informed this wasn’t the first time?”  
“Yes…” Yuki didn’t look up. He didn’t like to think about it and even less liked to talk about it.  
“Then I’m sure you’re aware of the fact that upon your discharge from the hospital you’ll have to go to psychiatry for two weeks. After that, you should start a therapy to help you. I take it you already did that before?”  
“Yes, I’ve been in therapy twice.” Hakyeon squeezed Yuki’s hand in support. He knew that Yuki didn’t like to admit he had mental health issues and had a hard time accepting help.  
“Alright. You should know how that works then. Now, let’s talk about your body. Your wounds have already mostly healed and as far as we could already determine there shouldn’t be any permanent damage to your brain. We still would like to run some tests today to make sure of that before we can discharge you tomorrow. Well, before we can transfer you to the psychiatry. We’re going to give you some time now to catch up as you’ve been asleep for over a week but in about half an hour, we would like to start the tests.”  
“Thank you”, Yuki just answered.  
“Ok! Then I’ll see you in 30 minutes.” The doctor smiled and left the room again with the nurse. This time Sanghyuk stayed behind.  
Yuki sighed as soon as the door closed. “I don’t wanna go to the psychiatry… it feels like a prison there.”  
“Well, if you had just called me before deciding to do something stupid, you wouldn’t need to go!” Hakyeon complained but he wasn’t actually complaining and smiled a little.  
“Ugh…” Yuki smiled wryly. “Yeah, I guess so. Sorry about… nevermind.” He remembered Hakyeon telling him not to apologise and decided against finishing his apology.  
“Good boy.” Hakyeon grinned and patted Yuki’s head.  
“Hakyeon-ah”, Yuki said in a slightly threatening voice but he still had a smile on his face. He took Hakyeons hand in his own and pressed a kiss to it before laying their intertwined hands on the bed.  
Now it was Sanghyuk who sighed. “Hyungs, the doc gave you time to catch up not to fool around.”  
“Oh right. How’s it going right now, Hakyeonnie?” Yuki looked at his boyfriend with a worried look on his face.  
“It’s fine, it’s fine. Well, kinda. We didn’t have our comeback because of the whole situation and won’t have it for a while but it’s not like everyone hates us now. Some of our fans turned into anti-fans but I think most of them still support us. The CEO doesn’t really mind as well so we still have the support of our agency”, Hakyeon explained the situation.  
“What about Taekwoon-ah?”  
Hakyeon sighed. “Well, as expected he’s having a hard time accepting it. I really don’t know why! It’s not like I changed now that he knows I’m gay. And I’ve got a boyfriend so he doesn’t have to be worried right?” Hakyeon pouted a little. It still annoyed him a lot that Taekwoon didn’t seem to be able to come to terms with Hakyeon’s homosexuality.  
Yuki grinned a little. “We should make out in front of him.”  
“Please don’t!”, Sanghyuk interjected immediately while Hakyeon looked a little shocked.  
Yuki laughed. Hakyeon had to smile at once. It warmed his heart to see Yuki laughing again, apparently without worries.  
“Please don’t traumatize Taekwoon-hyung any further”, Sanghyuk said in a seriously worried voice that didn’t seem to fit his otherwise carefree demeanour.  
“I’m just kidding.”  
They talked a little more with Sanghyuk updating both Hakyeon and Yuki about the situation in the public since Hakyeon actually didn’t really know what was going on either. Without realising it himself he had avoided watching the news or looking at social media.  
When the doctor and the nurse returned, Hakyeon and Sanghyuk had to leave again so they could run some tests on Yuki. Hakyeon and Yuki decided to ignore everyone else in the room and kissed when they said goodbye. Sanghyuk was just a bit annoyed, the doctor uncomfortable and the nurse embarrassed but neither Hakyeon nor Yuki let that disturb them. Hakyeon promised his boyfriend he would come back again the next day before Yuki would be transferred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuki-ah woke up! Soooo, there's finally gonna be some interaction between him and Hakyeonnie again haha. What did you guys think of the chapter? Kudos and comments are appreciated :)


End file.
